Sorry

Sorry I havent blogged much. I've been really tired and its been a bad month at work. I been trying to get some last minute deals in. But its not working. I hope I have an awesome month in June!!! PRAYERS PLEASE!!

As for my miscarriage, I am actually doing really well. Looking back on my blogs... I have improved alot!! I would never want to go through that again but of course only God knows if thats going to happen. I haven cried since I saw Emma for the first time. So thats 2 weeks!! Holy COW!!
I am though still upset that I havent finish my memory box for my little one. I need to finish that because I need to have closure and put it at rest. I am not saying I am over this because I am not. I think about my baby at least every other day. I think about what would of been.

I have been having life changing moments lately. WEIRD!! Such as I know someone could say I live everyday to the fullest. But they dont. I try really hard every day to live to the fullest. I try to put all my effort into whatever I am doing that day. I really cant explain it but when I look around, its different. I think to myself: If I died tomorrow, could I say that I made it my best day ever? Sometimes I think the majority of people get all wrapped up in their daily life. They forget why they are here. I know some people dont understand why, such as me but they have to try to believe that they are making a difference in this world. Now, I am trying to be a mom. I believe this is my only purpose besides making people feel beautiful. I do regret alot of my things in life. If I could change things I would finish college and go to dancing school. I love dancing. I wish my mom would of guided me in the right direction but she did the best she could. But then again, would I have met Jeff? The love of my life? He too wishes he went to pilot school. We are not talking normal flying, we are talking about F-18. But then again... would he have met me? Just somethings I have been thinking about.

I been wanting to go to church since we bought our new house but Jeff doesnt want to do because he's says that there is too much to do at the house. Yet.... we just watch tv and have coffee. We used to go all the time... for almost 2 years or so but after we got married, it stopped. I wonder why? I think I am going to start going by myself. Oh well if I look stupid. I have been mad at God because of my miscarriage and I have alot of making up to do. I have like 3 churches I would like to try out.


I was wondering... who is reading this? I only know of two people. Yet sometimes I have more than two vistors a day. Who are you? Can you at least say hi?