Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a sad day for me! I was due October 24th! It came so fast. I am so happy that Jeff and I are kinda going out of town for the weekend. Its just one night. The sad part is that Jeff probably wont remember what day it is. I know he is focused on our new due date but how can you forget. I know with my miscarriage it was hard to for him to understand. I will light a candle for my angel and say a little prayer on Friday. Now that I am pregnant with our second, I get the question all the time: Is this your first one?? I always pause to think about what I am going to say, every time. Sometimes I say: no... well... this is our first thats made it so far. It always shocks them. They dont know what to say. Then I feel bad that I said something to make them uncomfortable. Then medically I am always answering 2nd pregnancy. Sometimes I say yes quickly and then realizing I forgot about my angel. I question myself do I want to take a step back or forward. I feel bad when I think of my 1st (what would of been) with Isabella on the way and then I feel bad when I am focused on Isabella and dont think of my 1st. Confusing huh?

I thought I would get the 2 pregnancies confused but I never did. I never have thought about my 1st was in my belly when I have been pregnant with Isabella. The two pregnancies are so different.
My miscarriage still effects me everyday. Everyday, I pray for her to move, to make sure she is still here with us. I am so scared she wont be healthy. I am so scared that something will happen to her and/or me when I give birth. I am still scared that I will miscarry even though I am 25 weeks pregnant. It also has effected on how I reacted to things such as when I found out, it was a phone call to Jeff. Not a gift with a card to Jeff. I really havent bought anything for her except the crib furniture and 4 outfits. In the back of my mind, is she really going to be here?? I didnt do a pregnancy journal. I am afraid of my baby shower. Everyone is expecting a baby to come and I dont know if I can deliver. I cant promise that there will be a baby in Feb. Only god knows. I do have my positive days but its hard not to step back and think, will she be here???

I have an awesome husband and 24 weeks

Jeff surprised me with a piece of pumpkin pie. I have been talking about this over and over but not with him. He knew I liked it but didnt know I've been craving it!! I love him. Things are getting better around here. The stress is slowly fading away. Jeff has been working on Isabella's room and the hallway. He cant wait for her to be here ! We both know that nothing else matters when she arrives.
By the way, here is my 24 week picture. I am not looking so hot anymore. I've been blowing up... It sucks!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a year when Tommy passed away from soft tissue sarcoma. It would've been a better day not knowing that my friend's mom has been diagnosed with sarcoma as well. My heart goes out to my friend. She has already had a bad year and then to find out, your mom has cancer. We should be all blessed for our health. I am serious! We take it for granted. If you have any lumps on your body..... PEOPLE get it checked out!!!!!!

That's all I have for now.

SO HAPPY

We have renters!!!!! For two years!!! They signed the paperwork last night!!! Such a relief!! That is one less thing off our back!! We are still cautious but at the same time... less stress is deserved!!! All that praying, crying and stressing out has paid off. I am blessed to have renters!!! So Jeff and I are going on a date this weekend and we are going to order the nursery furniture as well. We havent been on a date in a long...... time. Almost a year. WOW.. in 3 more months, we have lived at our new house for 1 year!! This year has been so eventful. With our miscarriage, pregnant again, the stresses of two houses, grandpa with cancer, grandma with cancer, ........ we dont need anymore events. Lets just enjoy the rest of the year!
Tommy's death is 1 year on Sunday. Poor mom!! I wont be there because I have a bridal shower to go to and its over an hour away. I am going to have to do something on this day. Either take a moment to remember him or drive further and visit his site. Not sure yet. I hate dealing with death. I dont like to talk about it, nor visit in any way.