I hate AMERICA!!

I am so sick of America. People buying houses they cant afford and not living within your means. Its always about what your have!! Come on people. Stop living off your credit cards and pay them off!!! Stop buying clothes for yourself and your kids and pay off the credit cards. Stop buying 400,000 homes when you "really" cant afford it. JUST STOP IT. Stop buying foreign cars. When you buy a BMV, Toyota, etc.. etc... you are handing a check over seas. Come on people!!! THINK!!!! It just pisses me off! Buy American cars... it keeps our money here!!!! It will help out the economy. I could keep going and going... but I am not!! Sigh.......

Her full name is.....

Isabella Faith Stevens!!

Isabella- Devoted to God or God is my oath
Faith- Faithful
Stevens

Pictures of Isabella

21 weeks front!!
Holy COW!!!!













21 weeks













20 weeks













18 weeks

A daughter......

I am having a daughter and I am so excited! I never thought I would have that parental feeling before having her in my arms but I do. I want my daughter to have everything that I didnt have as a child. I want her to be raised with two parents instead of one. I want her to be raised with morals and values. I want her to be close with us. I want her to know god and believe in him more than I ever will. I want her to go to college. I want her to have a job that makes her happy. I will tell her that she is the most beautiful bride in the whole wide world, no matter what the price tag says. I will be there for her and support her in any decisions she makes. I want our daughter to make a difference in this world.

Its 3:47 am and we need a prayer

I dont know what to do but to ask for a prayer or two. I'm considering asking my church for a prayer as well on Sunday.
Reasons why..... our 2nd house. We have some people interested in our home but it doesnt look like it will work out. They seem like nice people but havent been truthful about things. Our last hope is down the drain. Most of the night Jeff has been up and I was sleeping but now.. Jeff is asleep and I am up. I am about lose it literally.
Work isnt all that great because of the economy. So that puts alot of stress on me since most of the money I make is commission. Do you know how much babies cost? Alot!! How are we going to pull this off??? We arent enjoying life, we arent enjoying our new house and we arent enjoying my pregnancy. Life is on hold. All we think about is our 2nd house. Its September and its not sold or rented out. I think we have til about the beginning of November before it gets worse. What could be worse? Having a baby with 2 mortgages. What also sucks is that I dont get paid maternity leave. Can you believe that? What kind of company doesnt provide for there employees? Oh I know!! Mine doesnt! Even if we put our new house up for sale... who wants to buy a house with scratched up hardwood floors. Oh yes... our mortgage( 2nd house) goes up in November with Christmas on its way. Our insurance doubled on our 2nd house because its empty. Lesson learned??? Whats really important?? Patience???? I really dont know what our lesson is until it ends. But if I had to say, all of it! God sure does work in mystery ways.

But in the end... we are so blessed to be able to pay two mortgages. We are blessed to be pregnant. We are blessed to have family and friends around us. We are blessed to have two jobs. We are blessed to have our health. We are blessed for our new house. We are blessed!!!

My 29th Birthday

I'm 29!!! I am lucky in a sense that I have alot of people who love me. I actually got to celebrate my birthday all weekend. Jeff took me to Mitchell's Fish Market on Friday night and we just watched a movie at home. Saturday, we went to Olive Garden with my mom. I got some of the dishes I wanted from Kohls. I got a card from my dad which is very depressing. I wonder about him sometimes. How's he doing but at the same time, I can not forgive him for what he did. I tried years and years ago but he ended up making a comment or two that a father should not do and realized he has not changed. Its taken me a long time for me to see a father and daughter relationship as normal and for me to see my father again would just stir up all kinds of emotions andI just dont want to go there. For those who dont know who my father is, he is an abusive man. I am talking about in every way: emotionally, physically, and sexually. He is a pervert. He will never change. I was messed up for a big part of my life. I had my ups and downs but I think that is normal for a teenager trying to discover herself. I messed up a few times in my early twenties as well. I hope God doesnt judge me for what I did. All I can do is to try to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness from God and hope for the best. So Anyways, I am nothing like my dad. I might have his skin tone and his hair color but thats it. When he dies... he will not be remembered. He will not live on because he doesnt deserve it. My children will never know him. My father will never know he has grandchildren. He will never see a picture or meet them. NEVER! Its just the way things are. I am a victim and I have survived.
So my mom tells me to call him to thank him for the check he gave me. First present in a couple of years. I said dont worry about it. Its between me and him. She said well you should because if you dont he will call me. I said I dont even know if I will cash the check. That means I would have to sign my new name and he could get a hold of that and fiqure out that I am married and try to find me. By the way, he doesnt know I got married. My mom has always said call him or go see him when she knows damn well what he did to us. I think this is the reason why I am not so close to her. I do love her but it doesn't mean I have to be close to her.

So anyways on Sunday, I celebrated with my in-law's. Since grandpa is still in the nursing home, we went up there. They got City BBQ and we got pizza. I got more dishes and some money!! It was a great time as always. I wish my mom in law would have cooked my favorite dish but she has been overwhelmed with taking care for grandma and grandpa.

Movement is here

Well, I know for sure now that I have been feeling movement for the past week. Some days are more active than others. I can actually feel him from the outside. I cant feel the kick or anything but maybe a head or foot or butt. It gets real hard in areas where he is at. He likes being on the right side alot. I keep poking at him to move onto the left side and give my right side a break.=) But most of the time its fluttering and butterflies. I did take picture this week but I dont have my SD on hand so I will post tomorrow of my big belly.

Sunday afternoon I had a panic attack. NOT FUN!! I havent had an attack in a couple of years. Now.. I am worried that I will freak out when I go into labor and have a panic attack. I am getting a massage for my b-day soon and I am hoping that will relax me and get rid of all this stress!! I really didnt know it was bothering so much until now. I think my stress is more on the 2nd house. I know.. your probably sick of hearing me talk about the 2nd house but I am tired too. I wish I could say.. we dont have to worry about it. So anyways that it for now!!!