I am tired

4/25/2008
am screaming inside my body and nobody knows. I cried on the way home yesterday. And today, I was feeling great until a girl that used to work here came in pregnant. I didnt see her because just thinking about it made my eyes water. Then someone comes up to me and tells me she is here and says.. her belly is this big. I am so sorry but why would you tell that to someone who just had a miscarriage. I started to cry so I left work for a little bit. I didnt want to hear everyone talking about her. I dont think I can take this any longer. I SO want to leave. I want to runaway and go on vacation. I know leaving wont make it go away but it will sure help me get away from where it all happened. I just want to be alone. I dont even know if I want Jeff there. I just want to crawl in a hole. I dont talk about it because I will cry. I am so tired of crying. But then I get mad because nobody is asking. And when they do ask, I dont tell them truth. What the hell is going on here. I am so mad that I could throw my computer aross the room. I am so fucking mad that this happen to me. I want to scream and cry and throw shit. I used to tell people " Everything happens for a reason" I cant accept this. This is not good enough for me. I am so mad at God! SO FREAKIN MAD! I am MAD at everyone for not understanding. I can not describe how mad I am. I am so mad that I dont have friends to cry to. I am so mad that I dont have a sister to cry to. I am so mad that I'm too embrassed to cry. I feel so alone. I am alone. I cant let my guard down.