How was I??

5/15/2008
Pretty good!!! I cried before we went into the room. I cried when I saw Emma and I cried one more time because of the whole birth experience. It hit me like a rock that I wasnt going to have this experience with our baby. When I kept thinking about it, I wanted to cry. I had to keep saying to myself, you will have this one day. You will have this one day.But I do have this: There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their childern, I know I will be better.I will not be better because of genetics, or money or that I read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for my child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take the time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will be happy to wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold or feed them. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision in which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I will be a better mother.....