My 29th Birthday

I'm 29!!! I am lucky in a sense that I have alot of people who love me. I actually got to celebrate my birthday all weekend. Jeff took me to Mitchell's Fish Market on Friday night and we just watched a movie at home. Saturday, we went to Olive Garden with my mom. I got some of the dishes I wanted from Kohls. I got a card from my dad which is very depressing. I wonder about him sometimes. How's he doing but at the same time, I can not forgive him for what he did. I tried years and years ago but he ended up making a comment or two that a father should not do and realized he has not changed. Its taken me a long time for me to see a father and daughter relationship as normal and for me to see my father again would just stir up all kinds of emotions andI just dont want to go there. For those who dont know who my father is, he is an abusive man. I am talking about in every way: emotionally, physically, and sexually. He is a pervert. He will never change. I was messed up for a big part of my life. I had my ups and downs but I think that is normal for a teenager trying to discover herself. I messed up a few times in my early twenties as well. I hope God doesnt judge me for what I did. All I can do is to try to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness from God and hope for the best. So Anyways, I am nothing like my dad. I might have his skin tone and his hair color but thats it. When he dies... he will not be remembered. He will not live on because he doesnt deserve it. My children will never know him. My father will never know he has grandchildren. He will never see a picture or meet them. NEVER! Its just the way things are. I am a victim and I have survived.
So my mom tells me to call him to thank him for the check he gave me. First present in a couple of years. I said dont worry about it. Its between me and him. She said well you should because if you dont he will call me. I said I dont even know if I will cash the check. That means I would have to sign my new name and he could get a hold of that and fiqure out that I am married and try to find me. By the way, he doesnt know I got married. My mom has always said call him or go see him when she knows damn well what he did to us. I think this is the reason why I am not so close to her. I do love her but it doesn't mean I have to be close to her.

So anyways on Sunday, I celebrated with my in-law's. Since grandpa is still in the nursing home, we went up there. They got City BBQ and we got pizza. I got more dishes and some money!! It was a great time as always. I wish my mom in law would have cooked my favorite dish but she has been overwhelmed with taking care for grandma and grandpa.